Why the Sail-a-bration?
They were standing there in their crisp, handsome sailor uniforms. White hats perched sharply on their heads and chests puffed out with pride. Parents and family sat in the audience with hearts full of joy and satisfaction as they watched this milestone graduation.
This scene was not taking place at the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD, but rather at the Hebrew Academy in Cleveland, OH. You see, this group of sailors that were graduating was not the latest class of recruits joining the Navy but rather a group of 5-year-olds, my son Chaim among them, "graduating" from pre-k.
My older sister Joanie is a pre-school teacher and all of my children have been in her class. At the end of the year they have a graduation celebration in which the children dress as sailors and sing about “sailing along” to kindergarten. As the 7th of my children, all of whom have been in Joanie's class, Chaim’s graduation was not the first of its kind for me. Yet, each time I see it I am filled with typical parental pride.
Sitting at each graduation the same thought inevitably fills my mind (after “how much longer is this thing going to take?”). If we think about it, what is the source of pride and good feeling? Is it a pride that our 5-year-old child now can color a little bit more inside the lines? Or that he can now draw a stick figure portrait of his family? Or that he can stack a tower of wooden blocks? Of course that can’t be it! It probably isn’t even the fact that he now knows (at least somewhat) the alphabet and numbers. So what is it?
Before I give what I believe is the answer, I would take this question and extend it to other areas of life.
Think of most celebrations you have attended. A birth of a child. A birthday party. A bar mitzvah. A wedding. They are all celebrated with great fanfare and joy. But have you ever wondered why that is? What has a newborn baby done other than having been born? We should celebrate the mother who went through all the pain, not the child!
And yet, every year we whip out a cake and celebrate for this person! What has a bar mitzvah boy or girl done? Ok, so they spent time preparing something for the bar mitzvah. Is that enough of a reason to throw a big party? And what about a wedding?! A lavish party with a bunch of guests that costs a lot of money – why? Let’s hold off on the celebration until the 20th anniversary and if the couple is still happily married THEN we can throw the party! Why now before their life has even gotten started together?
I believe the answer is the same for all of these scenarios. We are not celebrating past accomplishments; rather, we are celebrating the potential that lies in that moment. Of course the past could, and should, be celebrated. (Husbands out there – do NOT tell your wife you are skipping this year’s anniversary because you celebrated at your wedding already. Trust me, that is a bad idea.) But in the events I mentioned earlier the celebration focuses more on the future than the past.
When a baby is born he is like a fresh unpainted canvas. The potential is unlimited! This canvas has the ability to host a Picasso or a Rembrandt. The thought of such potential is indeed a cause for great celebration. And every year, a birthday party is an opportunity to look back at that moment where the realization of such great potential took place and use it to inspire to work towards that potential. Ditto with a bar mitzvah. No, the pimply-faced pre-pubescent teen hasn’t accomplished much yet (they usually can’t even make their bed or throw their laundry in the hamper) but we celebrate what she can now become.
A wedding carries the same sentiment. A young couple embarking on what will hopefully become a long-lasting relationship of building a family is full of exciting potential. And it is that potential that we celebrate.
Growing up I hated the “P”” word. Almost every one of my report cards read the same way – “Yosef is very bright and has tremendous potential. He just has to learn to keep quiet in class and take his learning more seriously.” While I hated hearing it as a child, I look back now and realize how profound the message was being given to me by my parents and teachers who had the wisdom of experience in their favor. Potential is a great thing and deserves to be viewed with joy.
Going back to my little sailor, it is now clear what the celebration is all about. We are not celebrating the past and the fact that he successfully navigated pre-k with its grueling schedule of coloring, cutting and playing. We are celebrating the future and the fact that he is moving into a new stage of life where he will continue to learn new things. And when he graduates elementary school and moves onto the next stage G-d willing, we will again celebrate his moving into the next phase more than celebrating what he has done in the past. Because we will constantly look at his potential, as we do with all our children in their unique way, and celebrate his journey in life as he works towards fulfilling that potential.
So sail along Chaim, I can’t wait to “sea” what the next phase of life brings you!
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yosef Koval
