A Summer to Remember
This summer I am going on six trips. SIX TRIPS!
One was to Detroit, two weeks ago, for a friend's bar mitzvah, then off to Dallas for a speaking gig and get-together with friends. The second one is to Vermont, where I am typing this ramble. My oldest daughter Miriam and I try to have a mother-daughter getaway every so often, and we are really enjoying the crisp mountain air and beautiful vistas.
On Sunday, I head out on a road trip to New Jersey with our three younger daughter for two weddings of two (unrelated) cousins, stone-setting for Sruly's grandmother, and another speaking gig in Edison. I'm excited to see Yitty off on her adventure as a staff member in overnight camp, and Hindy and Nomi and I will spend some nice time together being with family (and enjoying all the amazing kosher dining in Jersey).
My fourth trip is to Israel! I'm leading another trip for JWRP. My trips to Israel do so much for me: they energize me; they fill up my spiritual tank; and, to be totally honest, they also afford a lovely break from kidcare, housekeeping, and the constant micro-decision-making that motherhood involves.
The fifth trip is to an unknown destination and it is for an incredible reason: an early celebration of our 25th anniversary this fall. It will be us as a couple carving out time to be together and celebrate 25 years of blessings.
And the final trip is another run to New Jersey and Spring Valley, New York, to spend Shabbat with my parents and a few more days with cousins.
As my plans progressed, I started noticing a sense of guilt each time I thought of the summer and how much I'd be away. I am definitely still in the stage called "full nest" and being away just equals guilt; that's how moms roll. On each trip, someone is being left behind. I also felt a little bad about taking two months off from my beloved mussar classes.
But then I thought a little harder and realized something fascinating: each trip represents a value in my life.
With each trip, I am making time for the things that are most important - yet that we so often let slide under the deluge of life's "urgent" issues. There's always work, bills, obligations. But everyone will attest that family, friends, community and faith are more important than all of those. As I often teach in my classes, we must make time for our greatest priorities. (Remember the sand, gravel, stones, and boulders, mussar students?)
So with each trip, I am attesting, with my time and energy, that my values are a prominent part of my life.
My first trip is about maintaining old friendships. The friendship we celebrated in Detroit is 35-years old one. It's about being there for one another in good times, and not just sad ones.
My second trip is about my relationship with my daughter.
My third trip is about my relationship with our other girls, and with the cousins on my side and on Sruly's side. It is about extended family being there for one another and it’s about making time to see my grandmothers. It is about celebrating simchas together even when they’re far or inconvenient.
My fourth trip is about my love for teaching Torah, for Israel, and for our extended global Jewish community and Jewish values. It's also, not to be overlooked, a celebration of kosher gastronomy.
My fifth trip is about my marriage. It's about putting our spouse first and remembering how to be a couple in all the busy-ness of life. It's about role modeling to the children how couples prioritize their relationship, so they have a good baseline.
My sixth trip is about celebrating Shabbat together with grandparents and extended family, even if we don't live nearby. It's also about aunts, uncles, and cousins and the value of keeping in touch - knowing family will have your back. It's about getting to know more distant relatives that you have never met.
So my guilt is fading. Instead, I am feeling blessed to be able to connect with all my important values in one summer. I am blessed that each road trip and plane ride is a mitzvah. I am blessed with family and friends. And that, my friends, is a summer to remember.
Shabbat Shalom,
Ruchi
