House of Chesed
Shortly before my mother passed away, she shared a story with us children.
“When I first got married I was involved in various volunteer community organizations in an effort to help others. When I began having children and I realized that I needed to be home for them I offered a prayer to G-d. I asked G-d that He should continue to give me opportunities to help others from my home. From that moment I continued to try and help others from home while also taking care of my children.”
My mother could have rationalized, “I need to raise my children now; I am not available any more for others.” Instead, because doing chesed was her life, not her obligation, she sought ways to continue doing so under new conditions. And because she wanted it so badly, G-d gave her the opportunities.
A 10-year-old boy from Iran was raised in our home like a son. So were two 13-year-old boys from Hungary. Countless people of all stripes joined us for Shabbos and holiday meals. Many people moved in for extended periods. When a stranger knocked on our door and offered to shovel our driveway, my mother wouldn’t let him do it until he first sat down and had a hot cup of tea to warm himself up.
Indeed, my mother (together with my father, may he live and be well) managed to raise 8 children while at the same time having an open door in the manner of Abraham and Sarah, described in this week's Torah portion.
Abraham, at the ripe age of 100, has just undergone a circumcision and is in great pain. Because Abraham’s home is “the place” for anyone in the area who needs a place to eat, drink and sleep, we can imagine at this point in his life and under these circumstances Abraham could use a little break.
In fact, G-d Himself wanted to give Abraham a few days off from his “free hospitality business” so He caused a tremendous heat wave to occur, thereby discouraging people from traveling in the sweltering heat. Most people would be quite relieved at this good fortune! After all, even if we are inclined to helping people there are times that we need a break and when one comes our way we relish it.
Imagine, for example, your neighbors ask you if you can watch their kids for a night while they leave town. You have a hectic enough time running your own home and the thought of bringing in another 3 children, even for a night, is daunting. But you are a good neighbor and you want to help out so you agree. A few hours later your neighbor calls you up and tells you, “Thanks anyways but we had to cancel our trip so we won’t need you to watch our kids.” In a somber voice you tell them how sorry you are they had to cancel their trip and how much you were looking forward to watching their precious angels. You then hang up the phone and break into a huge smile and excitedly share the news with your spouse. You are off the hook! Of course you were willing to do a chesed (kind deed), but given the chance to avoid doing it you grab it.
Abraham was so different. Abraham did not say, “Thank goodness it’s so hot today and nobody is outside! If there were travelers of course I would welcome them in but now that there aren’t I can rest up and recover more easily!”
When a “person of chesed” has no opportunities to help people, he is not relieved, he is distressed!
This is what distinguished Abraham from everyone else and is the lesson that the Torah is trying to convey to us, his progeny. Abraham taught us it’s not enough to DO kindness, we have to LOVE doing kindness. My mother carried on that legacy.
This weekend is her yahrtzeit. May her memory be blessed.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yosef Koval
