Thoughts and Prayers
The two hurricanes these past two weeks re-awakened in me one of my long-time pet peeves.
Since the advent of social media, one of the things that have always bothered me is the reaction thousands of people have whenever a disaster, natural or man-made, occurs. A quick glance at Twitter will net thousands of the ubiquitous and meaningless “thoughts and prayers” phrase.
Now don’t get me wrong. As an Orthodox Jew I firmly and wholeheartedly believe in the power of prayer. It is a hallmark of the Jewish people and one of the fundamentals of our faith. We cannot fathom the impact a prayer has in affecting everything in this world. What bothers me is that the vast majority of these people aren’t doing any real “thinking” or “praying” for the victims.
So why do people say it? If I may play the role of psychologist I would suggest the following. By nature, people are sympathetic to the plight of others. Most people are genuinely moved by the suffering of their fellow man. On the other side of the coin, people are wrapped up in their own lives and would rather focus on their own needs and desires. So while people certainly feel truly sympathetic to others, they aren’t usually willing to do much about it. Thankfully, Twitter provides the perfect solution to their dilemma! A simple “thoughts and prayers” tweet and voila! - 20 seconds later they have “done something” for their suffering brethren! Just a quick tweet or Instagram post and then they can carry on with their ballgame, work, vacation, TV show etc.
Of course if someone actually takes the time to really SAY some prayers, imploring G-d to help those in need, that person is doing a great benefit for their fellow man. And needless to say if someone gives of their time or resources they are acting with tremendous selflessness. But those people are few and far between.
When Hurricane Harvey struck I came across two things that illustrate exactly what I am saying. On the one hand I was listening to two radio hosts talk about the devastation in Houston. One of them said “our thoughts and prayers to the people of Houston.” His co-host called him out on it and said, “Are you really going to say any prayers or are you just saying that?” To his credit, the fellow confessed that he will not be praying for the victims but he wanted to move on to the next topic so he said that! He admitted that saying that phrase was a sort of closure on the topic while also sounding like a good guy. Kudos to him for his honesty!
Conversely, the day before that I received a copy of someone’s Facebook page in which a non-Jewish member of the Houston community was thanking a group of Jewish strangers from Lakewood, NJ. These individuals took a break from their jobs and families and loaded up a truck filled with supplies and essentials. Together they drove from their homes all the way to Houston - just to assist and lend a hand to total strangers a couple of thousand miles away! This fellow was blown away by the kindness and selflessness of these Jewish men and it was a great display of sanctifying G-d’s name.
(I'd like to call out Jeff Turell and Scott Fisher who did just that!)
I think that there is a good lesson for all of us as we head into the High Holidays.
Over the course of the next two and a half weeks we will be doing more praying and self-introspection than we do during the rest of the year. We will confess our sins, say that we’re sorry and ask G-d for forgiveness. But we need to be honest with ourselves. Are we truly sorry? Do we really feel bad for our misdeeds? Or is it just the easy thing to do, similar to tweeting out a few characters in response to a tragedy?
(Too bad we can’t stay home and just Tweet out our prayers for the High Holidays. “Thoughts and prayers!” “Feel really bad, G-d!” “What are we having for the break-fast?“ #YomKippurRox).
We can choose to take the easy road, much like those meaningless “thoughts and prayers” tweets, and go through the motions during this season. Or we can be like those good folks from New Jersey and Cleveland, and roll up our sleeves, step out of our comfort zones and truly take real, small steps in self-improvement this year. It is hard not to take the lazy road but if we choose the latter we can feel confident that G-d will hear our prayers and grant us a year of good health, happiness and all sorts of blessings.
Shabbat Shalom and Shanah Tovah,
Rabbi Yosef Koval
