A Legacy of Love
This past week I attended a funeral and shiva for the husband of one of our Sunday school teachers, “Teacher Debbie.” Debbie joined our staff recently and we have been so blessed to have this Cleveland legend in our ranks. Her husband, Steven, passed away suddenly in his prime, shocking our whole community.
As I listened to Steven’s friends and family members speaking, I was overwhelmed with emotion. King Solomon said in the book of Kohelet, “It’s better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting,” and it is moments like that that show why. After listening to the eulogies, you couldn’t help but feel a strong resolve to do better. To show more love; to be a mensch; to put people before dollars and relationships before “success.”
Funerals and shivas should, when done right, touch us with the gray hand of mortality. They should remind us, as the verse in Kohelet continues, that “death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart.” I, too, will die one day. What will my legacy be? What will the sum total of my life look like, to those left behind to mourn and miss me?
Anyone who knows Teacher Debbie knows that her favorite word is “LOVE.” Debbie is a walking factory of love. How beautiful and touching it was to hear her sons talk about their dad with such reverence - something that is so missing in our culture. I felt my faith in humanity restored.
At the shiva Debbie was at work connecting people to one another and making sure everyone felt seen and heard - continuing the legacy of her dear husband even as she mourned him.
There is a kernel of goodness in every human being, but in some it is readily apparent, just there on the surface, available for all to see. And then there are those, like Debbie, who see the kernel of goodness in everyone. Judaism teaches that to honor the memory of someone who has passed, one should choose a character trait of theirs and consciously carry it on in their memory. I want Steven (if they read rambles in heaven) to know that I am consciously committing to carry on this trait in his memory - to see the goodness in every person.
The other day I was teaching my high school students about compassion. I taught them that just as hate comes from viewing others as foreign and subpar, compassion is only possible if we strive to see others as sharing our identity. I challenged my students to think of someone they disliked (this was the easy part) and then come up with commonalities with that person.
Some of the answers were shallow (“we are both female”) and some more deep (“we share the same talents”) but everyone was able to see something.
I think we can all try to be a little more Steven - and Debbie. More love. More commonality. More compassion. More finding that kernel of goodness in others.
And through this commitment, I know that Steven will live on: through Debbie, through his boys, and through the entire JFX community.
May his memory be blessed.
Shabbat Shalom,
Ruchi
