Spoiled Schmoiled
My birthday is tomorrow.
When I was growing up we didn't make a huge deal about birthdays. My mother baked a cake, we typically served it for Shabbat dinner on or around the birthday, and we called it a day. No elaborate gifts or trips. We were a large family - similar to my friends - and the expectations simply weren't there.
For the early years we raised our kids this way too. My husband's upbringing was similar. A cake, a card, "happy birthday" sung at dinner. Occasionally we threw the kids a party, depending on what the peer culture was at whichever school they were in at the moment.
(In my defense I recall one special "football party" where we hosted a football game for all my son's friends and I baked him a football cake. Yes, me.)
But typically we were underplaying the birthdays. Philosophically I felt too much of a big deal was being made over birthdays and it just led to spoiled kids and overinflated expectations and materialism.
But as I get older I see things differently. I see birthdays as an opportunity to show our loved ones just how loved they are. Doesn't the world need more of that? It's a chance to yes, spoil our kids a bit. Isn't that necessary on occasion? So the question now is - how to keep expectations low?
I don't know how to keep other people's expectations low, but I'll tell you how to keep my own low. I don't know what anyone is planning for my birthday but I do know this: some will forget it entirely. And that's OK. I know my people love me, and if they are forgetful about birthdays that doesn't mean they love me any less. It just means that remembering birthdays is not their strength.
Was I wrong in trying to make people less spoiled? I don't know. But I do know that trying to make myself less spoiled is always a good idea. And after 43 years, I'm there.
Shabbat Shalom,
Ruchi
