Exit Plan
Anyone with kids knows how “enjoyable” long car rides as a family can be. We have spent countless hours on various trips over the years and, while actually being pretty well-behaved for the most part, my kids have given me a run for my money as well.
I know I am not alone in this category as I have heard from so many of my friends and relatives their stories of their own family trips; replete with motion sickness, crying and fighting. My favorite story was from a relative of mine who told me that her kids took the in-car fighting to a new level when one child insisted that her seatmate was not even allowed to look out of her window!
I remember one year when we were traveling to my in-laws in Toronto. At the very end of the trip, when we were just minutes away from the house, we were backed up by a long line of cars waiting to get off the same highway exit that we needed to exit. Exasperated and anxious to get out of the car already, my kids started complaining about the long traffic delay. One of my kids offered me his advice (there are no shortage of backseat drivers in my family!). He told me to continue down the highway and thereby avoid the traffic! Had the next exit been nearby it might not have been a terrible idea but I knew that the next exit was a ways off and to go there and exit and then turn around would have cost me far more time than waiting it out.
I explained that to the kids and then I was struck by the thought that this scenario was very similar to how we adults often go through life. As I began to talk my kids announced, “Uh oh! Abba is going to give us one of his meshalim (parables)!”
I told them that while it would have been easier to continue on the highway and exit elsewhere, doing that wouldn’t get us to their grandparents’ house. I explained how in life there are times when continuing down the current road might indeed be an easier path, but it does us little good in getting us to our intended destination. In other words, when we have a specific goal and destination in mind we don’t simply choose the road that is more convenient and smooth, we choose the road that leads us to where we want to go - despite any hardships we may need to endure on the way.
In life we need to periodically stop and reflect on what our mission in this world is, what we want to accomplish and what we need to do to attain that goal. We recalibrate and focus on our destination.
Very often we acknowledge that we need to make changes and improvements in order to reach those goals but we know that change is hard. We are more complacent staying on the path we have been cruising along, content with the satisfaction that we are enjoying the smoother ride. All the while though we are moving further away from our ultimate destination.
The days from Rosh Hashanah through Yom Kippur are known as the “ten days of repentance.” The Torah instructs us to use these days to reflect on our lives and focus on the areas of our spiritual growth that can use improvements. Once we pinpoint some areas (it’s never a good idea to try and make drastic overhauls instantly as those will rarely last) we are supposed to commit to making some changes to our lifestyles that help us correct those flaws.
Most people, even if they do spend some time reflecting and recognize the need for improvement, go through life like they did as before because the alternative, namely to change, is hard. Like the logic of my kids, they reason it is easier to continue down the wrong road even though it doesn’t lead them to where they need to go.
Some people take advantage of this time of year to not only recognize their shortcomings but even take steps towards improving in some of those areas. A small minority of people are even successful at maintaining those changes and improvements after Yom Kippur is but a distant memory.
Our sages teach us that if one wants to be part of the third group they should focus on one or two things that need improvement and come up with practical (not abstract) ideas as to how they can improve. By taking doable and concrete steps there is a great likelihood those changes will last. In this way when they stand before G-d next Yom Kippur they can point to specific improvements they made the past year. Then they can start working on a few new things. Although they are small changes, over the course of a lifetime they can add up to a tremendous amount.
It may mean stepping out of our “comfort zone” but it sure beats driving along aimlessly, drifting further and further away from where we need to be just because that is the easier road! We need to think as mature adults, not as children.
Wishing everyone an easy and meaningful Yom Kippur and a happy, healthy New Year!
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yosef Koval
