Someone Else's Stuff
by Ruchi Koval
For those of you who are following our dog saga, it's not news to you that Cora the Labradoodle is not going to work out as our fur-ever dog (to borrow a corny phrase from one of the many doggie websites I've been perusing). We are back to the drawing board and looking for a new dog. This was quite a disappointment to our family, obviously, and it became my husband's job to break the news to our son that we were not, in fact, going to get Cora, and moreover, we didn't know when we'd find a new dog.
Rabbi: So, Nosson, you know how Jews believe that everything happens for a reason?
Nosson: Yeaaaaah...
Rabbi: And you know how, sometimes, bad things happen and we don't know why, but we believe that things will work out for us in the end?
Nosson: So what are you trying to say?
Etc.
It reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend where she was trying to explain to an anxious child that he didn't need to stress about the things that were worrying him. I pointed out to my friend, "It's easy to be calm about someone else's stuff. It's hard to remember to be calm about your stuff."
Isn't it like this with everything? When someone else is struggling, it's so easy for us to see things in their most logical way. Sometimes, we even make the mistake of being all logical when they need emotional support. But when it's OUR fears, worries, inhibitions, somehow we can't seem to summon all that logical calm. Why?
I wonder if G-d, in His divine plan, wanted us to be there to support each other. Like the proverbial seesaw, we take turns being up and down. If we could each bring forth all that lovely wisdom, and therapize ourselves, calm ourselves, counsel ourselves... we wouldn't need each other!
This week I made a mistake that I was really ruminating about. I noticed myself becoming preoccupied with my mistake and started to feel really out of sorts about it. I realized that I needed external help to feel calm and OK about my mistake. I reached out to a few wise friends who said all the right things and really brought me back to equilibrium. No one said anything revolutionary or novel! They were simply able to be rational and objective and wise while I was mired in subjectivity and emotionality.
We need each other - and we can all be that wise soul... for someone else's stuff.
Shabbat shalom.
Ruchi Koval
