Take the Credit

One of the resolutions I made for myself a year ago before Rosh Hashanah was to learn more Torah and exercise more daily. In fact, I even ordered a lovely planner to log my daily Torah study and exercise to motivate myself to do just that. Well, here it is a year later. Time to check in. How have I done? To borrow a phrase from the famous Twerskis of Milwaukee, how did I fare on my annual "spiritual"? (If we get an annual physical, shouldn't we get an annual spiritual? What's that? You don't get an annual physical either? Aah, never mind.) Answer? My planner did really well for about three months, except it didn't make me learn any more or exercise any more (which is probably why I stopped logging my embarrassing plateau). However, something else did. Every now and then I get invitations or see flyers to join a phone "teleclass." These Torah classes are usually offered in the evening when, presumably, the children are sleeping. Ha! That's a funny joke. We swing right from kiddie bedtime to teen party hour around here. In fact, there is NEVER a time when all the kids are sleeping, that I am awake. Except... wait for it... 6 am. Now, I have NEVER BEEN A MORNING PERSON. No equivocation there. I like me my morning slumber. But it dawned on me (get it?) that if I were to get up early and walk - which I can do, now that my youngest is 4, and can be instructed what to do in the unlikely event that she wakes up before I return - which is one of my favorite ways to exercise, I can call in and listen to the recordings of said classes. I can actually do this every day, as opposed to going to the gym, which takes more time (driving there, parking) and is subject to their hours. This I have begun to do. And I love it. And I've been doing it more days than not. I learn something every day. I have a mouthwatering collection of recordings just waiting for me. Rabbi Edelstein, on the meaning of life - a great way to wake up and engage brain quickly. Mrs. Julie Lurie, on creating and maintaining incredible marriages. And, most recently, Rebbetzin Feige Twerski of Milwaukee, on preparing for Rosh Hashanah. I would say that approximately 100% of the time, what I listen to in the morning, I draw on that very same day. And today was no different. I woke up early to walk in the fresh morning air, with Rebbetzin Twerski in my ear. She was talking about Rosh Hashanah, and I was ready for a moving talk on fixing our mistakes, focusing on improvement, and repairing the world. That was not what she said. She said that, as women, we are very unlikely to take credit for the things we do right, and that, especially at this time of year, when the spirit of the day IS on fixing our mistakes, we need to pay attention as well to all the things we do right. In fact, we need to take a page from G-d's book. When G-d created the world, He looked at each creation and the Torah says, "He saw that it was good." And then, when the whole world was done, it says, "And he saw that it was VERY good." Now, how many women do this? And the woman woke up, and she woke up the children, and saw that she had done good. And then she made them hot cocoa and [although they did not concur] she saw that it was very good. And then she saw them off to school with a smile and snacks and clean clothes and new shoes and nice haircuts and fresh underwear and she saw that it was all incredibly very good. And she floated off into her day knowing that she was a Very Good Mama. Fantasy? The next Harry Potter? It shouldn't be. Today I met with a woman who had some long-ago mistake that she wanted to fix, once and for all. She felt so bad about herself and her mistake; I couldn't believe I had just learned this insight to share with her. I explained that while fixing her mistake was a wonderful and important thing to do, she mustn't lose sight of what a beautiful soul she is. It was revolutionary - for her and for me. So here I am, giving myself credit. I saw that I learn more Torah than I did a year ago. And that is very good. I exercise more than I did then. And I am caring for the body G-d gave me. And I shall feel happier and more confident, and be a stronger human being to do what G-d wishes for me to do. And that is very good. And it is all very good. I look forward to setting new goals for myself this year - and for taking credit when, with G-d's help, I succeed. Shabbat Shalom, Ruchi