by Ruchi
This past week I took my little preschooler for his annual physical.
He is very shy with adults, especially those he doesn’t know very well (I am grateful my pediatrician falls into that category). She tried to ask him some questions like, “What do you like to eat? What do you like to play? How high can you count?” and he responded very quietly, wide-eyed, or gaze cast downward.
The physical proceeded without much hoopla, and we returned home to the usual dinner-bath-bedtime routine.
As my husband was tucking him in at night, my little boy starting telling him all about the physical. He described the doctor, what she looked like, and what she said – in great detail. We couldn’t believe it – he was hardly looking at her! I thought he was so caught up in his discomfort – who knew he was busy taking mental notes on her?
Guess what?
Adults are no different.
Most people go through life in Reaction Mode. Someone said something – it “made” me feel x. Someone did something – I’ll react by doing y. We offer the puppet strings of our lives to others, inviting them to set the dance music. But my husband taught me something once that I hope I never forget: according to the Torah, we exist to serve others. That means GET OUT OF REACTION MODE! There’s far too much to do!
We have to be proactive. In a social situation, instead of waiting to see if others will acknowledge me, include me, talk to me – I need to look around to see whom I can include, talk to, make feel good. Even when stuck in a reaction situation, I can grab those reigns right back and change the dance music mid-step. Someone’s complaining? Give him a compliment. Someone’s annoying? Ask her for advice. It’s quite amazing how liberating it is to reclaim those puppet strings.
With Rosh Hashanah approaching, it's the perfect time to try a fresh approach.
Even if you’re very shy. Lessons from a four-year-old.
