Lost
Would you classify yourself more of a Type A or Type B personality?
Quite honestly, I don't think that anyone can be put into a box that narrow. Almost everyone has sliding tendencies, but I do agree that most people lean more towards one side of this personality type spectrum.
I would definitely call myself much more of a “Type B” personality, what some might call more of the artsy type (minus the art). Parts of this personality type are good, such as being naturally laid-back and patient. Some are less so, such as being disorganized and a procrastinator. One of my greatest handicaps is not being naturally organized. I'm naturally inclined to misplace things and forget or double-book appointments. To compensate, I have to put different creative safeguards into place and some work better than others.
We recently went to Israel. It was an amazing trip. But I came back home with a lighter load than I'd had when I arrived. I lost a coat, a sweater and a book on a bus on the last day of our trip. Oh, and I lost my brand new iPhone earlier that same day in Jerusalem. We never got any of those items back. After spending two days without a phone, an experience in and of itself, I had to reactivate my old phone, and buy a new coat and book. Reflecting back, I'm not even sure that I could have avoided misplacing any of these items. Sometimes these things are just unavoidable. Frustrating but unavoidable. I just have to roll with the punches. (A handy Type B survival tactic!)
But these are just stuff that remain lost. Ultimately, I'm extremely grateful that what's truly important was found. One of my kids, that is. We lost a child in the Old City of Jerusalem on Friday night. Thank G-d Hashem had him returned to us 45 minutes later. That was a tremendous relief and a wonderful divine kindness.
Everyone has his own unique toolbox for life, with all kinds of tools inside. None are good or bad. They are all neutral. It's what we do with them that defines them and that's what defines us. Interestingly, when G-d created the toolbox for our great leader and spokesman Moses, He did not include dynamic public speaker among the cadre of talents bestowed to him. For this reason Moshe protested and tried to wiggle out of accepting the job. He was the original "If elected, I will not serve."
However, G-d had other plans. He would not take no for an answer. He insisted that Moshe accept the leadership position, in spite of his speech defect. Hindsight is 20/20. We now know why Hashem wanted Moshe to lead and speak with a speech defect. It wasn't in spite of his speech defect, it was in fact because of it. Hashem did not want anyone in future generations to attribute Moshe's leadership to charisma or persuasive speaking. No, we bought Moshe's message and accepted the Torah in spite of Moshe's limited speaking abilities. It was the message that was so persuasive, not the messenger. The Torah sells itself, and it didn't need a salesman.
But at the time, Moshe didn't realize that. I'm sure that he felt frustrated. Like, "G-d, why would you give me a speech defect and then ask me to be your spokesperson?"
I too should take some solace in the fact that of course Hashem could have created me differently. But somehow He knew exactly what's best for me and He chose Type B. (Probably best for two type As not to be married to each other.) Do I need to be more creative to compensate for this handicap? Absolutely. It's a real work in progress. This can be highly frustrating. Sometimes I wish that I was more naturally organized. But, then again, that's not how the good Lord hard-wired me. So, I accept this handicap, work on compensating, and not wish to be what I’m not.
What is missing in your toolbox and how do you compensate?
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Koval
