Guest Rambler, Heather Greene
Are These My People?
Two weeks ago I was privileged to attend a health coach leadership convention in Phoenix and, to be honest, I thought, “I’m not entirely sure how this is going to make me a better leader and a better person. I mean, I’ve been in the presence of and listened to some of the top speakers from around the world. Some live right in my backyard. I am regularly working on self-improvement and attend several Torah classes weekly. I’m probably not going to gain THAT much from this Intentionality Summit.”
Boy, was I wrong! Apparently in all my learning I forgot some important lessons, such as “Who is wise? He who learns from everyone.”
As I become more knowledgeable, I need to remember not to get so full of myself. The truth is, I was being snobby. I was thinking that I already learn from the best and I’d probably feel out of place because I already have “my people.” You know who I’m talking about. Those people you feel an immediate connection to. Some you’re even so close to, they’re like your security blanket in the room. You don’t even have to be talking to each other, but just knowing they’re there makes you feel better.
My people fall into one or more of these categories: they are in my family, attend my synagogue, go to Torah classes, go on JWRP trips (or some similar Israel trips), send their kids to Jewish day school, love helping others, volunteer and/or donate, or are on a growth-minded journey or want to be a better person. These are my people. And like a mother in love with her fist child and pregnant with her second child, wondering how she will have enough love for the next child, I was feeling content in my love of my people.
But then some remarkable things happened.
On the plane, I left my siddur (prayerbook) on my seat and went to use the restroom. With all the antisemitism we are seeing almost weekly I thought to myself, “I should not have left my prayer book on my seat. I wonder how my seat mates (strangers) will treat me when I get back?” And do you know what the woman in the middle seat said when I returned? Of course you don’t. She said, “We just feel awful about what’s been happening to your people around the world. We love your people. Your people are our people and we love Israel too.”
By the time we landed, my seatmate Linda was hugging me and her husband Kyle was blessing me and I had tears of joy in my eyes. We even exchanged contact information. These were my people too!
When I arrived at the conference, my roommate told me about Stacey, a wonderful coach who would take our coffee orders for Shabbat. We were to tell her what we wanted to order and give her the money pre-Shabbat. She would also take our belongings with her Friday night and bring them back to us Saturday morning (since we can’t carry items outside the facility because there isn’t an eruv).
Another man asked me specifically if he could be my “Shabbos mule.” His words, not mine. And when I opened up my purse after Shabbat, turns out Stacey put the money for the coffee back, in an act of secret chesed. These were my people too!
And the speakers? They were amazing! I never thought I’d come to a health coach convention and essentially hear Torah wisdom.
Here's some of what I learned:
Just because you are gifted with skills and aptitude in certain areas doesn’t mean you look down on others who do not have similar strengths. Oftentimes, you will find that the one “lacking” is your spouse. Never forget: you have deficits too. You are there to lift each other up. Life is messy. Marriage is messy. Work within the mess and do not strive for perfection. You cannot spin all the plates. Pick up a rag and help clean. Just because you pick up a dishtowel, doesn’t mean you are one.
Don’t try to balance everything. Prioritize your marriage. Have a date night. Even having a marriage coach when things are awesome is beneficial. You get your eyes checked and a physical before things go wrong. Why not do that for your marriage? Know you’re on the same team. You win together and you lose together.
This reminded me of Rabbi Koval telling us a story about a man who took his wife to the doctor for her pain. The man said, “Doctor, my wife's foot is hurting us.” These speakers were sharing Torah values!
Turns out, there’s no limit on how many people you can feel kinship with. These were my people too! All weekend I was surrounded by hope dealers and world changers. It’s as if I was with a mentor who has my back and believes in me wholeheartedly and is overflowing with love. This is God’s relationship with us - we are His people!
Shabbat shalom,
Heather
