Happy Mother's Day!
“Mother (noun) – A person who does the work of 20 people. For free.”
Mother's Day. The only holiday that appears in the Ten Commandments. Well, sort of. While this commandment has no formal day in the Jewish calendar, as it applies every day, 24 hours a day, let us examine whether or not there is still value in commemorating a special day called Mother's Days, when viewed through the lens of the Torah.
First, let’s take a minute to understand what the Torah’s expectation is of us when it comes to honoring our parents.
The Torah mentions two aspects of the commandment to honor one’s parents – 1) Honor your father and mother (this is found in the Ten Commandments), and 2) Revere your mother and father.
Some examples of “honor” include getting them food and drink, tending to any of their needs, speaking respectfully to and about them, and exhibiting displays of honor both in private and public. Examples of “reverence” include not sitting in their designated seat, not contradicting their words, and not speaking to them with disrespect.
These commandments apply even if one does not get along with their parents (what to do in cases where the relationship is highly strained or abusive is beyond the scope of this ramble) and certainly when it is simply not convenient or easy. It applies until the day a parent dies, but in some ways it also continues after death. It applies to sons and daughters of all ages.
Finally, it is incumbent on the parents to instill these values into their children and inculcate them into their behaviors. In today’s generation it is not uncommon for parents to treat their children as being on par with them. By blurring the lines of the proper relationship they are actually doing their children a great disservice. Of course it goes without saying that the relationship should ideally be warm and close but it must also be clear that a parent and a child are not on the same level.
The Torah places such great emphasis on this commandment that it equates one who honors their parents with one who honors G-d! The Talmud relates examples of the great lengths some of the greatest sages went to in order to honor their parents.
Now back to Mother’s Day.
On the one hand one can argue that having a day singled out on the calendar to honor one’s parents gives the implication that one can “get away” with fulfilling this commandment one day out of the entire year and one day only. On the other hand, highlighting one day a year to focus on this special commandment gives us a chance to recognize and show appreciation for all that our parents have done for us.
As mentioned in my opening sentence, mothers are amazing. Speaking as a father and husband I can unabashedly say I would never be able to replicate the things I have seen done by the incredible women I have had in my life. Sadly, my mother has been gone for almost 10 years, but rarely does a day go by without my remembering all that she did for me. Now as a parent, I am equally blessed with a wife who is an amazing mother to our children and to whom giving a Hallmark card and roses certainly does not do justice!
As husbands, the Torah commands husbands to “Love your wife as much as you love yourself and honor her more than you honor yourself.”
The Torah also tells us that the key to a successful Jewish home has historically come from the mother. That’s right, the “stay-at-home-mom” is viewed as the most important job in Judaism, as the mother is the primary factor in how the children are raised and the type of home that is built.
The stereotypical image of a Jewish mother – overbearing, demanding, smothering - is an unfair depiction of reality. Jewish mothers have always been the backbone of the nation and the key to the survival of the Jewish people throughout history.
If it has been declared a national day of celebration let us, as Jews who are commanded to be careful with this all year around, take a moment to reflect on the incredible mothers we have had, or had relationships with, during our lifetimes and appreciate and acknowledge their greatness.
So to all you moms out there - Happy Mother’s Day!
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yosef Koval
