Stress-free
As the parent of 8 children ranging in age from 21 down to 3, I have plenty of opportunities to deal with a wide array of issues. As the saying goes, “Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems.”
For some reason this week many of my kids were experiencing things in their respective lives which was causing them a lot of stress. One child was freaking out about her final exams that she is in the middle of taking. Another child had a meltdown about going to school. Yet another was in middle of a school project and her partner who was supposed to work on it with her dropped out the night before the project was due. And to top it off, my 3-year-old is in the early stages of toilet training and is completely stressed out with the whole experience (as are her parents!)
While trying to calm each child down and offer them the reassurance that each one needed, I was thinking to myself, “How silly that they are getting stressed by this!” After all, these are all pretty trivial matters and each one will, G-d willing, work themselves out fairly easily and quickly.“ I tried to convey to them that as their father who loves them I was going to try and help each one out of their predicament.
Interestingly enough, I too was struggling with a particular source of stress this week. As is often human nature, the stress affected my mood and behavior in a negative manner. I reflected on the stresses that my children were going through and thought wryly to myself that these kids have no idea what REAL stress is. “Just wait till they get older! Their issues are so trivial and can be resolved so easily but adults have much bigger problems and the solutions are harder to come by.”
It was while thinking of my situation and comparing it to the struggles of my children that I had an epiphany. Actually, I had two profound thoughts: one was a lesson in child-rearing and pedagogy and the second in character development and in strengthening my relationship with G-d.
First, the lesson in raising children. It is easy (and in fact a normal tendency) for adults to look at children through the eyes of an adult. This is a huge mistake! The correct way to really understand your children is to view the world through THEIR eyes. While a particular issue they are experiencing might seem trivial in my eyes thanks to my wisdom that comes with age and my mature outlook on life, it is in fact a very large deal in their small minds that don’t have the benefits of those same perspectives. Brushing off one’s child with a simple “It’s nothing to get stressed about, it will all be fine,” does little to put a youngster’s mind at ease. On the contrary, it makes him feel he is not being taken seriously by the one person who he counts on the most and whom he looks to for strength, support and problem-resolution.
Second, I have said many times that our relationship with our children serves as a great metaphor and a constructive tool to understand and appreciate our relationship with G-d. In thinking of the things that cause my children stress I smirk and tell myself that these things are not a big deal and we will resolve them. Yet, when I am confronting an issue I get consumed by stress and worry about how to resolve it! Yes, my problems are larger than theirs but am I not forgetting that I too have a loving Father in heaven that is there to help me? Does He not also think my problems are trivial and easy to make disappear? And indeed, any problem in the world is completely manageable in the eyes of G-d.
This realization gave me a newfound strength to put my mind at ease and work out this particular situation and hopefully all those that will arise in the future.
In this week’s Torah portion we read about how the Jews left Egypt and found themselves at the banks of the Red Sea. Behind them was a bloodthirsty army intent on destroying them. In front of them was an insurmountable force – the sea. In short, they were completely helpless. When they cried out to G-d for help He told them “There is no need to worry! March forward!” Such a command seemed like a suicide mission. Yet, led by some spiritual giants who had an unwavering faith in G-d, they did just that. They marched directly into the water – men, women and children. And lo and behold, G-d miraculously split the waters and provided them easy access to the other side and away from their enemies.
Here the Jewish people encountered the most stressful situation possible and yet they put their faith in a loving Father for, whom nothing is too difficult. And because they did they merited seeing an easy and miraculous salvation that ended their troubles instantly.
Let us work on instilling this same level of faith and trust in our own hearts so that we may merit those same blessings in dealing with all of life’s challenges – be they big or small. For after all, nothing is too big for our Father who loves us dearly.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yosef Koval
