The Ring Thing
As many of you know I've been in Israel for the past 2 1/2 weeks. For the first week, our daughter Miriam and I hung out together, horseback riding and rappelling and training in counter-terrorist activity (sort of). Oh, and eating lots of awesome Israeli food. July 17 I began leading a JWRP Momentum trip for 180 women from all over North America. It's been exhilarating, amazing, exhausting.
Just before I left for my trip in the beginning of July, I couldn't find my rings. My wedding band and engagement ring. Oddly, a few days later I found my wedding band only - which is weird, because I always keep them together. I looked all over and could not find my diamond ring.
Many times over the past 24 years, I've lost and found my rings. So I don't usually panic. They always turn up. But I thought this time would be different, because I found one and not the other. So I did what I do whenever I lose something: I ask my cleaning lady, Karla, to keep her eyes open for it. Because she is the Ultimate Thing Finder.
Well, Karla couldn't find it and I was off to Israel. I've never not worn my diamond ring when I travel and my finger felt off with just the wedding band. So I decided to wear my mother's diamond instead. My mother was married to my father for 8 years and then he passed. She remarried a year later and when I got married, she gave me, her only daughter from her first marriage, her diamond and wedding band. But wearing it didn't feel right either. First off, it's too big on me. Also, it's white gold and my wedding band is yellow gold, so it doesn't match, Finally, I noticed that her diamond is loose and I didn't want to take any chances.
And that's how I came to be in Israel without my husband for 18 days with just a wedding band and no diamond.
Men, this might seem trivial to you, but the ladies will understand my feelings of weirdness. But something interesting happened: the entire time I was supremely conscious of my ring finger - and of my wedding band. My finger was unadorned. The only purpose of my ring was to proclaim to all that I am a married woman. It's not for beauty or sparkle or wealth. There is nothing on my finger to show off. The only message I am sending to the world is that I belong to someone and he belongs to me. I've never been away from my husband this long and I missed him immensely, and this hyper-attuned awareness felt really right to me.
Israel, in general, is unadorned. It's hot and gritty and hilly. It's expensive and not-always-convenient and you have to walk a lot. Israel, the Talmud says, is acquired with stress. That's how you own it. If that's true, then being in Israel unadorned, pared down to the most essential bare message of all, was exquisitely appropriate. The point of this trip - both parts - was to get back to basics. We wore clothes that were utilitarian and made sense for the weather. We did things together that we could enjoy together as mother-daughter, and, later, as fellow women on a spiritual journey. It didn't matter how much makeup we wore or how fancy our clothes or jewelry were.
On the Jewish calendar we are entering the sad month of Av. The fast day Tisha B'av begins Monday night. It's when we mourn the loss of our Holy Temple in Jerusalem - that beautiful, bejewelled, golden structure adorned with tapestries and crafts and precious stones. Without it, we have to work harder to discover our relationship to G-d.
I loved not wearing my diamond for this journey.
And I was thrilled when Karla texted me that she found it! Maybe, I'll start wearing it again after Tisha B'av. Because maybe, this new awareness is good for me - and I'm not so sure I'm ready to give it up.
Shabbat Shalom,
Ruchi
