Flight, Not Fight
One of the worst things for parents is to witness fighting among their children. It's bad enough when it is the usual arguments that take place in a typical household – “She took my toy!” “He hit me!” “MAAAAA! CHAIM RUINED MY PROJECT (AGAIN!)!!!” As annoying as those are, they are normal behaviors in a healthy, functioning home.
However, there are times that the fighting escalates to greater levels. What is worse is when fully grown children fight and the fighting goes deeper and lasts longer than it does between two adolescents. Many of us know families that have been torn apart due to fighting. Oftentimes the fights stem from disputes over money. Other times it has to do with something else. In all cases, no one comes out a true winner. And if you know as a parent how painful it is to hear your children fight, you can imagine how painful it is for G-d to hear His children fighting.
It seems like civil discourse has gone the way of the pay phone, the cassette tape and my size 38 suit – all things of the past. There was a time in this country that people with opposing viewpoints could debate those matters in a civilized, albeit vehement, manner. Nowadays, if someone doesn’t agree with your particular view they are labeled all kinds of names and accused of the worst crimes. There is no openness, only derision and vitriol. Things have gotten so bad that last week a lunatic took a gun to a baseball field and tried to mow down 20 United States members of Congress. Why? Because he didn’t care for their political point of view. How insane!
Alas, the phenomena of division and fighting goes far back in history.
In this week’s Torah portion we find a prominent person named Korach, a cousin of Moses and Aaron, who picked a fight against Moses and, in essence, G-d. Korach was unhappy with the fact that Moses was the leader and his brother was the High Priest. He felt that it was a clear display of nepotism and he riled up a number of other people to join in his diatribe.
To make a long story short (you can always open up the Big Book and find out the details!), Korach met an unusual and untimely end, as did his followers. Interestingly enough, even the members of their families who were caught up in the fight only peripherally were punished as well. The great commentator Rashi points out the vicious reality that is brought on as a result of fighting. The sinister fact is that fighting is like playing with fire. If one is not careful to stay far away from a fire he is apt to get burned, even if he is less culpable then the main instigators.
In a class I heard recently a rabbi observed that the Hebrew word for fighting (“machlokes”) can be rearranged to spell out the Hebrew words “a portion of death.” As scary as that sounds, fighting leads to deadly consequences and needs to be avoided like the plague (literally). This admonition is so strong that the Torah commands us specifically to avoid fighting “so that we should not be like Korach and his followers.”
This should not be construed to mean that Judaism leaves no room for differing points of view or of healthy debate. Anyone who has spent more than 5 minutes of studying Talmud knows that debates and arguments are present on every page. The difference is the manner in how they debated and the cause for the debates.
Throughout the Talmud we find disagreements between the school of Hillel and the school of Shamai. Yet, unlike the Hatfields and the McCoys, the members of the two schools had the utmost respect and love for each other. So much so, in fact, that the two groups would oftentimes marry into families of the other group. There was always great deference and love exhibited to each other. Most importantly, both groups had only one goal in mind – to arrive at the truth as to what G-d wants from us. There were zero personal agendas or vested interests involved. And when one party saw the truth of the words of his contemporary he acceded to his point of view. Such healthy debate leads to a greater level of understanding and appreciation for the word of G-d.
So the next time you want to get involved in a fight, especially one that is not relevant to you, ask yourself “am I emulating the great Hillel and Shamai or am I more like Korach?” Because making the wrong choice is a matter of life and death.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yosef Koval
