Single Momming
I joked to a friend that this week I was "single momming" it as my husband took our two oldest kids away on vacation for our son's 21st birthday. It always hits me when my husband's out of town how much he does for our family when he is home.
Just for illustration: this week the garage door died (always his department), I had to bathe and bedtime our youngest (his department), I had to drive morning carpool (his department). It helps me empathize with women who are going solo all the time.
But after I cracked the joke I realized that it wasn't really accurate. If you are not actually in the trenches, you just don't know what it's like. No, shouldering extra responsibilities around the house because my husband took our two kids away for a vacation is NOT similar to not having a husband. So in what way is it useful? It's like a little glimmer. If I find this week lonely or inconvenient, imagine what a woman feels like who has to deal with this all the time and so much more.
A friend of mine confided in me that she felt very hurt by another friend for not being there for her in her time of need. During the conversation I realized how fortunate this woman really is. She has loving friends and family - but this small issue was indeed very upsetting. Imagine using this pinch to think of those who truly have no friends. Imagine the pain of those with absolutely no family. We don't know what that feels like, but now we have a glimmer.
When someone is struggling and we say "I understand" - we should be careful with that. Maybe we really don't understand. Maybe we could never understand what someone else is going through. So maybe we could say something truer, like "I am so sorry for your pain"; "I'm holding your hand"; "I'm praying for you."
My husband and kids returned last night. In 1 1/2 weeks our daughter Yitty returns from Israel and we will celebrate the holiday of Shavuot all together at home. I am so blessed. No, I don't know what "single momming" it actually feels like. I can use the glimmer to feel for my fellow moms who are, indeed, single - and I can leverage my temporary inconvenience to remember how very blessed I actually am.
Shabbat Shalom,
Ruchi
