Person-First Judgement
There's a concept in the world of disabilities called "person-first" language. What this means is that it is preferred that one is not referred to as an "autistic child" but rather a "child with autism." The idea is that no person should have their identity established by one part of themselves. Instead we, no matter who we are, should be viewed as broad and multifaceted human beings with many different strengths and weaknesses. But we are people first and other things second.
In much the same way I recently read a very moving book written by a young man, Moe Mernick, who had grown up with a debilitating stutter. He writes about his journey through this difficulty and how he emerged even stronger because of it. During his work in the stuttering community he came to choose not to call other people "stutterers," but rather "people with a stutter."
This may sound like a nitpicky detail or even so subtle as to be meaningless. But then my daughter sent me a Ted talk by a young man named Sam Berns. In the talk Sam was 17 years old, loved sports, loved participating in the marching band, and wanted to be a biologist. He was also a person with progeria.
Sam became well-known for his remarkably positive attitude on life and in the TED talk he emphasized that he doesn't focus on what he can't do but rather on what he can do. In other words Sam is a person first, and has progeria second.
When I saw the video it really came home to me in a very strong way how we all sit in judgement of other people. And the way we do this is we take one small aspect of that person and establish their identity based on that one small thing. In other words, we forget that it's "person first." But the Torah tells us something startling. If we can look at another person as a whole human being, with his difficulties or weaknesses as a secondary part of his identity, then when we actually do stand in judgment before G-d on the Day of Judgment, G-d will look at us as a whole person too.
The Torah tells us "Hevei Dan et kol ha-adam l'kaf z'chut - you should judge a person to the benefit of the doubt." But the use of the words "kol ha-adam" is telling. What that literally means is that you see the whole person and not just identify them by one or two qualities.
May each one of us merit a happy, sweet new year, as we look at other people in person-first language - thus ensuring that G-d too will look at us as the whole people that we are.
Shabbat Shalom,
Ruchi Koval
