Have an Ice Day!

Have an Ice Day! One morning last week, I was heading out to synagogue for my daily prayers. It was a typical cold and dark Cleveland winter morning. Under my arm, I carried my tallit bag, and in my other hand I carried out a bag to be deposited in the garbage at the curb waiting to be picked up later that morning with the weekly trash pickup. Walking back to my car, I planted my foot on the driveway without realizing that there was a thin layer of ice covering that spot. Not wanting to drop my tallit bag, I quickly tried adjusting my balance and planted my other foot unsuccessfully and landed on another spot on the ice. At that point, my footing went out from under me and I hit the pavement with a thud, landing hard on my knee (although I am proud to say that I managed to hold onto my tallit bag!). Although I have a hard time admitting it, I am clearly not as young as I once was, and I needed to sit for a minute on the ground waiting for some of the pain in my knee to subside a bit and to collect my breath. After a few moments, I gathered myself, and, with a grimace, walked gingerly to my car to head to shul. During prayers, I tried to put my throbbing knee out of my mind, with minimal success. After some time, ruing with frustration the pain I felt, I began to tell myself the statement I was brought up with from when I was a young child. Whenever I got hurt, my father, may he live and be well, would soothe me and tell me, “May it be a kapparah (atonement).” The meaning behind this statement is that the suffering one feels at the moment should negate the need for any future pain in the World to Come for any wrongdoing he may have committed – a small and worthwhile tradeoff when realizing that one is taking his lumps in the present, which has a finite amount of pain, instead of a much greater affliction in the future, in the hereafter, when such pain will last a lot longer. Since being taught this concept as a youngster, and having its lesson imbued in me by my parents, it has become a natural reaction for myself to utter this mini-prayer (although admittedly I often need to wait for some of the most intense pain to subside somewhat before I can get that pious!). And then an additional thought crossed my mind, which I heard in the following story. A young bride was getting married and her father was very particular that the wedding should be just perfect – the fairy-tale event for his princess! No detail was overlooked in planning the wedding, and precise care was taken to ensure its success. One of those details involved the ketubah, the marriage contract, which is filled in at the wedding. This ketubah was a true work of art by a commissioned artist, that cost a small fortune. Alas, during the writing, a mistake was made, and despite efforts to correct it, it was unable to be fixed. Thankfully, the officiating rabbi had with him a backup ketubah which, although quite plain and simple, was legally kosher (it is actually common practice for rabbis to bring extra ketubah documents along for just these situations). As the rabbi began filling in the relevant details it was evident to all present that the father of the bride was beside himself. Not only was there a hitch in his meticulously laid plans, but the beautiful ketubah, which had been procured through great cost and effort, was now a useless piece of paper. Everyone could see that it was bothering him to such a degree that it threatened to ruin his whole evening. At that point another rabbi who was present, Rabbi Avrohom Pam, one of the greatest rabbis of his generation, approached the father and whispered some words into his ear. After a couple of minutes of listening to the rabbi, the father broke into a huge smile and his demeanor immediately changed. He proceeded to enjoy every moment of his daughter’s wedding as he had hoped to originally. After the wedding, those who witnessed what transpired asked the father what Rabbi Pam told him that worked such magic? He responded as follows. “The rabbi told me that evidently there was a decree in heaven upon your daughter that she should have two ketubahs written for her (if a woman divorces or becomes widowed, and subsequently remarries, she will thereby have received two ketubahs – one for each marriage). How fortunate are you that G-d, in His infinite mercy, allowed the decree to take effect in this manner that fulfills her having two ketubahs written for her, but not through the termination of this marriage, G-d forbid!” “When I heard that perspective,” said the father, “it changed my entire attitude!” Coming back to my throbbing knee in shul, this story and its lesson came to mind. You see, I was planning on a trip with my family to New Jersey later that same day for a wedding. Traveling on I-80 in the winter, there is never a guarantee of having good weather, and I certainly have had my harrowing trips over the years having to deal with snow, ice and fog. Remembering the aforementioned story, I thought to myself to view the incident through the lenses and perspective of Rabbi Pam. Clearly there was a heavenly decree upon me that day that I was to slip on ice! Such a decree could have come to fruition in the form of my car hitting an ice patch on the highway, putting myself, my family and my car at great risk of life, limb and property. Yet instead, out of His tremendous kindness, G-d allowed that decree to come about through the relatively benign act of slipping on the ice in my driveway and suffering only a scratched and bruised knee! This completely transformed how I was feeling about my pain! I was so happy with this thought I felt like dancing but my sore knee prevented me from doing just that (as well as the very odd looks I was sure to endure from my fellow congregants who would see me dancing during services!). Later that evening we piled into the minivan and headed off to NJ. Thank G-d the trip was extremely smooth and uneventful and we arrived safely and in good time. Can I say that this was how the scenario actually played itself out in heaven? Of course not! As great as I think I may be, I know I don’t have that kind of inside information! But there is one thing I DO know and that is that the Torah teaches us that EVERYTHING that G-d does to us is ultimately, somehow, for our benefit. Oftentimes it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, for us to see how a particular event can be construed as being for our own good but having real faith in G-d means recognizing that it is so, even if we can’t comprehend it. Maybe there was not supposed to be a tradeoff for me. Maybe I was never supposed to slip on ice on the highway but only in my driveway. Who knows? Nonetheless, why should that affect my acceptance of my fate? Is it easier to swallow when it comes with the knowledge that I was spared something worse? Perhaps. But if I live with the recognition that everything G-d does to me in my life, from what I perceive as good to what I perceive as bad, is ultimately for my benefit, I am able to view all that comes my way as being a tradeoff that works to my benefit in the end. It might serve as a “kapparah,” an atonement, to wipe away some debt via a lesser pain or it might be an act of kindness of swapping a major catastrophe for a minor suffering. Whatever the case, it is for my good in the long run. Having this approach is a game-changer, as it makes going through life so much easier to bear. The Torah has much to teach us about the concept of suffering that is well beyond the scope and space of this article but this is just a small thought to keep in mind that can positively impact how you go through life. For now, I am grateful that my knee is feeling all better, my car is in one piece, and I have strengthened, if even a little, my faith in G-d and ability to handle suffering and adversity in the future. Here’s hoping the same for you! Shabbat Shalom, Rabbi Yosef Koval