Birthday Reflections

Birthday Reflections Have you ever set arbitrary age goals for yourself? Something like, “By the time I turn 40/50/60, I want to be able to play the guitar/visit Switzerland/complete a specific Jewish text”? As I write this email, I have just turned 50 years old on the Hebrew calendar. So I’m in a reflective mood. I think back to arbitrary goals that I had set for myself by the time I turned 50. Some of my goals have been specific to spiritual growth through additional Torah study. I have been fortunate to add an hour of Torah study to my daily morning and evening schedule. The morning part was relatively easy. I have always been a morning person, especially with a little help from my coffee mug friends. But, evenings are a killer for me. My head starts to droop by 8:00 PM. Nevertheless, I am proud and grateful to report that, starting six weeks ago, I have been able to incorporate a one-hour nightly study session into my schedule. Together with a study partner, I learn the laws of Shabbat observance from 8:45-9:45 five evenings a week. One of my goals has been to exercise every day. Another one is: no snacking after dinner twice a week, on Monday and Thursday evenings. I definitely do both of those more than I used to, but do they happen every day? No. But it does feel good to look back and see that I've come further than before. Have I accomplished all of the other goals that I set for myself? I wish. I have made some strides but definitely have plenty of room left over for the next decade. Lots more to learn, conquer and grow over the upcoming decade, with Hashem's help! Looking back over the past 50 years is a daunting task. Early memories of preschool moments (are my memories accurate, or am I just “remembering” the story behind the old photograph or family lore?), day school follies, high school relationships, my bar mitzvah, our wedding, child rearing. Relatives who are no longer alive. Some memories are painful, many are sweet. How about the past year? What a year 2020 has been. So many divine curve balls thrown our way. The year actually started off great, with a magical JFX family trip to Israel. One month later we celebrated our son Nosson’s Bar Mitzvah. It was a very special and emotional communal simcha. One month later, we celebrated beautiful Candyland-themed Purim holiday festivities. Then Covid-19 came to Cleveland and everything came to a screeching halt. The past eight months have been moments of doing our best to rise to the occasions. Outdoor services and programs, Zoom classes and meetings, canceled and toned-down simcha occasions and events. Throw in a turbulent election season, just for fun. Finally, right before my birthday, Covid came to our home. We’re now all in quarantine and recuperating at home. What a contrast it has been from the beginning to the end of the year. It is hard to believe that 60 is the next big frontier for me! Looking ahead at my next decade, I wonder where do I even want to be? How about Israel? Do I want to make aliyah by then? What are some other realistic goals for me to consider over the next decade? One thing I would like is to become more vulnerable. My daughter sent me an inspiring excerpt from Alex Trebek’s memoir. He writes, “I used to think that not crying meant you were tough. Now I think that crying means you are tough. It means you’re strong enough to be honest and vulnerable.” I love that, and as someone who never learned the adult art of how to cry, I hope to figure out a way to incorporate more vulnerability and more of the Alex Trebek way of living in my life. Making grand resolutions spanning the next decade is tempting, but in truth, one year at a time is wiser, and more realistic. If you have any tips or suggestions to help me become more of a vulnerable person, I’d love to hear them. What would you suggest to help make an “old man” cry? Shabbat Shalom, Rabbi Koval