Animal House
When this whole Corona business started some 6 weeks ago, my wife Miriam prophetically told me, “I have the feeling that we will get stretched to our limits and each time we get used to it and think we can’t handle any more adversity, we will get stretched some more and then more…” Sure enough, this is exactly how I feel things have proceeded, at least in our house.
I remember reading a children’s book we had in my house when I was young; maybe you know it too. It’s the folk story of the poor farmer who has a small house and a bunch of rambunctious children and the house is in a constant state of complete chaos. The kids are wild, the wife is screaming at them and at her husband, and he is extremely overwhelmed and worn down. So the poor fellow goes to his rabbi to ask his advice. “Rabbi, my life is terrible. It can’t get any worse!”
The rabbi asks him if he owns any chickens. The surprised farmer replies in the affirmative. “I want you to bring the chicken to live with you in the house,” says the rabbi. This isn’t what the farmer is expecting to hear but he dutifully follows the advice of the rabbi. Well, if the chaos is bad before he brought in the chickens, now it's even worse. So the fellow goes to the rabbi and tells him, “Rabbi, the situation is even worse than before!”
At this point, the rabbi asks him if he has any goats. Surprised at the question, the farmer again answers, “Yes.” The rabbi instructs him to bring his two goats into his home as well. Shocked at this latest bit of advice but not daring to object, he obediently listens to the sage’s advice. Now, in addition to the children making a racket, his wife yelling at him above the raucous din, and the clucking and messes of the chickens, he also has to contend with the bleating of the goats and the disaster they are making of the house.
After a week, the farmer feels he is going to go completely insane, so he goes back to the rabbi and apprises him of the dire situation. “Rabbi, please! Life is worse than ever! It can’t get any worse!” This time the rabbi instructs him to bring his cow into the house as well. With a heavy heart but not wanting to disobey, he brings his cow into his home too (surprisingly, his wife did not file for an immediate divorce).
After yet another week the situation is beyond unbearable so, once again, the despondent farmer trudges wearily to his rabbi’s home (frankly I would have found a new rabbi by that time, and I definitely would not have gone back). “Rabbi! I am absolutely at my wit's end and can’t take it anymore! My children are out of control, my wife is beside herself, the chickens, goats, and cow have turned my house into complete shambles and I am going to have a nervous breakdown! Please help me!!”
Now the rabbi tells him to go home and let out the chicken, goats, and cow and put them back into the yard. With a sigh of deep relief, the farmer does this, and immediately he and his family feel a calm they hadn’t felt in weeks. Suddenly, the situation at home with his wife and children is like paradise.
About two months ago we heard that the children would be out of school for three weeks. We couldn’t believe that we would manage, but we put on our brave faces and were determined to make it work. In addition, we then needed to prepare our homes for Pesach, a formidable task in any year and one that would be infinitely more complex with all of the children home all day. We could not imagine pulling it off.
Then, as we began to process our new reality, our married daughter came from Israel with our son-in-law and adorable 2-year-old grandson. Of course, we were thrilled beyond belief to have them with us but, bottom line is, it added three more bodies to our already full house.
Just as we began to adjust to the latest lifestyle, our two older boys came home from their yeshiva in New Jersey. Our house now numbered 12 people under one roof, all trying to maintain school and work days, while simultaneously preparing for Pesach. Somehow we managed to get ready for the holiday and enjoyed a beautiful, if not unusual, Pesach.
Having managed to make it through the holiday, we were thrown another curveball. Our older son is engaged and was scheduled to get married the week after Pesach. After much creative thinking and attempting to come up with a workable solution, we realized that we would need to postpone the wedding for a little bit. Understandably, this was a hard decision on all of us – most of all on the young bride and groom.
Immediately after Pesach, we received word that the governor was canceling school for the rest of the year, meaning we were stuck trying to run a house, get back to work and also be on top of our children’s homeschooling for the remainder of the school year. Oh, and try to plan a wedding for our son!
In short, I have oftentimes felt like the poor farmer in the aforementioned story with the situation going from crazy to crazier! (In order to avoid incurring the wrath of my wife and children who will read this article, I will not specify which of my children are the metaphoric chickens, which are the goats and which are the cow.)
While the overall mood in our house has generally been pleasant and calm, especially considering these bizarre circumstances, there have been times when everyone’s stress levels have risen and patience and tolerance have all but disappeared. The kids will frequently fight with each other, almost always over the silliest things. I, for one, feel so completely drained at having to constantly act as police, judge, and jury over each fight my children are having. (Sometimes I resort to just disciplining based on a coin flip.) By the end of the day I am completely worn out and I know I am not alone in this regard.
Every time we feel like we are pushed to our limits, we find ourselves facing a new challenge and can’t imagine overcoming it. But G-d created us humans with a tremendous amount of resiliency and somehow we always persevere.
One day, hopefully soon, life as we once knew it will return. The proverbial chicken, goats, and cow will be removed from our houses and lives. How will we react?
All of us had different causes of stress beforehand. It might have been from our spouses, our children, our jobs, our friends, our schools or our synagogues. Interestingly enough, we now pine for the days when things were the way they once were. We yearn to go back to our synagogues and to be able to fraternize and hang out with our friends. We would never complain about our kids’ schools again!
The troubles and vicissitudes of life pre-Corona are nothing compared to what we are going through now and we would gladly take those days and challenges back. When this passes will we have a newfound appreciation for things we have taken for granted in the past and have now lost? Will we cherish our family, friends and synagogues when we get them back? If we internalize these lessons now then we will be prepared to appreciate these things when they are returned to us. If we do not prepare, we will have lost a tremendous opportunity.
I can go on but I have to run. Two of my “goats” are butting each other with their horns again (this time it’s about whether to watch Scooby Doo or Wild Kratts) and I need to go break it up. Just remember to appreciate everything you have in life because, as we see, it can always be worse.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yosef Koval