Q. Whenever I go to pay a shiva call, I feel conflicted. People bring their kids and join the family for lunch or dinner. This feels odd to me, but I don't know why. What does Judaism say about this?
A. According to the Torah, the purpose of shiva is to respect the deceased by honoring their loss, and to help the mourners in their grieving process by tuning in to their emotions and not distracting them from their loss. Therefore, the following guidelines are outlined in Torah sources:
1.One should enter quietly and not initiate conversation, but rather wait till the mourners cue the others in to what their emotional needs are.
2.Since children bring joy in a home, it is preferable to make other arrangements for your children, unless there a specific reason for them to join.
3.The food at the shiva house is intended for the mourners. When many friends and relatives eat together, it sets a festive atmosphere that distracts from the focus of shiva.
4.The ideal conversation reflects the loved one that has passed away, recalls his/her positive impact, and shares inspiration from his/her life. The goal should be for the mourner to feel enveloped by friends and family at this difficult time.
For more, try reading "Remember My Soul" by Lori Palatnik
