This past Sunday night found me in Cleveland Heights, teaching a mussar class. When I was done, I decided to pop in and visit my in-laws. We chatted for a few minutes, then my FIL (aka "Abba," the Hebrew word for Dad) asked me an interesting question:
"Would you like some lox?"
Those of you who know Abba know that he is a generous guy. But when he opened the fridge to get the lox, I *ahem* couldn't help but notice that there were SEVEN mega-packs of lox. (My in-laws are empty nesters.)
Me: Um, that's a lot of lox.
Abba: Yeah, xxxx (anonymous cousin whose identity is being protected) bought them for our Chanuka party.
Me: She bought a lot of lox.
Abba: Right. So I tried to return it at Costco.
Me: They wouldn't take it back?
Abba: It's a story.
Me: Great! I love a story.
Abba: So they tell me sure, no problem. I can return it. I give the receipt, they take back all seven packages, give me $120 cash, and dump the lox in a bin.
Me: Great!
Abba: Right. Except when I got out to the parking lot, it dawned on me that they are going to throw that lox in the garbage!
Me: Are you serious?? (I am a very good audience.)
Abba: Yes! So I turn around, go back in, and ask the woman, "Excuse me, but what are you planning on doing with that lox?" And she says, "We have to throw it out." And I say, "Well, I can't let you do that." And she says, "Sorry, sir. Company policy. As soon as food crosses that threshhold, we dump it." And I say, "But that really goes against my values. My religion teaches that we can't waste." And she says, "What would you like me to do, sir?" And I said, "I want to buy it back."
Me: Are you SERIOUS???
Abba: Yes! And she says, "I'm sorry sir, but I am not allowed to sell it back to you!" So I said, "Can I speak to a manger?" So someone else comes out and tells me, after arguing about this for a couple of minutes, that he will sell it back to me, but he is not allowed to issue a receipt because the transaction never happened! So I hand back over the $120, they give me the lox, and now.... would you like some lox?
Me: Sure... I'd love some!
We love you, Abba!
